This ethical
will was written by a 38-year-old to her as yet unborn child during her
pregnancy. She intends to update it at future life cycle events.
To my unborn child:
I am writing this in eager anticipation
of your birth. I know that I have much to learn about being a parent.
I'm sure the challenges will be greater than even now I can imagine, and
the rewards are probably bigger than I can fathom at this point. Please
know that you are a cherished being whom your father and I have waited
half a lifetime to meet. We're so excited about your birth and everything
that will come afterward.
I write this to you
now, knowing that
my perspective may change as you grow and develop as an individual and
as I grow as a parent. Your father and I are becoming parents later in
life, with many experiences and, I hope a little wisdom gained from them.
I know we still have much to learn. But this is what I know so far and
what I hope for you in the future.
First, know that you will have a unique
perspective because you are Jewish, but you also will have your father's
culture and traditions. Consider yourself doubly blessed with this wide
vista from which to view the world. Even though your father is not Jewish,
we agree that it is important for you
to be raised as a Jew. You will naturally
absorb the secular culture around you. Learning what it means to be Jewish
in this world will be more difficult
and may be a continually on-going
quest, just as it is for me.
As parents, we want you to be knowledgeable
about Judaism and to appreciate your religion and history. You will see
that there are many wonderful customs and beliefs. Thousands of years
of wisdom are contained in the rituals and ceremonies of Judaism that can
guide you throughout your life. Remember, you are forever linked to this
long and rich history. As a reminder of this, we are choosing
a Hebrew name for you.
The world your father and I live in
is mainly a secular, liberal world. While your dad doesn't identify
with any religion, I always knew I was Jewish even though my mother and
father are not particularly observant. I do remember my Grandpa Sol, your
great-grandfather, telling stories about being chased by Cossacks, and
hiding in haystacks during the pogroms. Even after his family settled in
Eveleth, Minnesota, the Finnish miners' kids bullied grandpa and his brothers.
Your great-grandma Gantz' parents
fled Kiev, Russia to settle in the wilds of Saskatchewan and trade with
the Indians. Often the stories I heard about being Jewish were about the
hardships that Jews endured just because they were different.
Our family has become very assimilated
and lost touch with many of the religious traditions, but we identify ourselves
as Jews and are proud of that fact. Judaism is your foundation, but
it is also important to be part of the larger world. While our Jewish ancestors
may have lived in fear, confined to the Jewish community or later sought
to bury their identity when they ventured out into the world, I hope you
will be proud of who you are and find a trusted community beyond Judaism.
Cultivate a diversity of friends and
remember to judge a person as an individual, not by their ethnic, religious
or racial group. Be sincere and honest and learn to recognize these qualities
in others. Call these people your friends. Be aware of the evils
of the world, but do not be consumed by them. Don't let them stunt what
I hope will be your adventuresome spirit and desire to taste all the wonderful
things the world has to offer.
By adventuresome spirit I don't necessarily
mean white water rafting or backpacking through Mongolia, although if that
is what your heart desires, then I would say to do it. By being adventuresome,
I really mean be broad-minded and curious about the world. I hope that
you will have a passion for learning. In school, learn for the sake of
learning and not with an eye only to a future career or how much money
you can make.
Hard work and a broad understanding
will bring success. Ultimately consider yourself successful if
you sit back at the end of the day
and reflect with a sense of pride and satisfaction on your behavior and
accomplishments - both personal and professional - for that day.
Remember you will learn more by listening
than by speaking. Be observant, but don't just be an observer. Be confident
and proud of what you can offer to the world. This means knowing your strengths
as well as your flaws. The only way you can truly know yourself is to embrace
life fully and in a balanced way. Enrich your mind, exercise your body,
and feed your spirit with music, art, meaningful work, friends and helping
the community at large.
I hope that you, just as I do, will
continually strive to achieve these ideals. I apologize in advance for
any shortcomings I may have as a parent. I promise I will try to become
aware of them and to correct them. And I look forward to learning from
and about you.
Love, Mom 3/7/99