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Cynthia is 48 years old and facing
the challenge of a potentially life-limiting illness. This is the
letter she wrote to her husband as they face an uncertain future
together.
My
Darling Den:
I'm writing
this to let you know what is in my heart. Yes,
you know I love you and you mean the world to
me, but I'm not sure
you know how much or why. You also know
that I sometimes have difficulty speaking aloud what I feel in my heart
because
the words become jumbled on my tongue. Since
I'm a writer, I will put in words what I
cannot say in voice.
You
have
taught me many things during our twenty-nine years together, the
greatest being
love. As you know, I came from a world
where love and affection was not freely shown - the only time I knew
either was
a bruised knee, a cut, or the flu. I
remember thinking it odd the way you and your siblings showed love and
affection towards each other - hugs without reason, words of love and
support
without question. It took me many years
to act that freely, yet, today, I still struggle. It's
often difficult to break habits of
upbringing.
We've had
our share of struggles - more than we could count - yet what I remember
most is
your love. I remember the day we met,
the day we married and the day we renewed our vows. The one
constant throughout our marriage has
been love. It's true that I may not
shower you with kisses and hugs as often as you'd like and we irritate
each
other at times, but this does not mean I love you any less. My
love for you has grown with each passing
day.
I feel this
when you look at me: your smile lights me up as sunshine lights the
earth, your
laughter ripples through me like a soft breeze rustling through the
leaves, and
your eyes dance like the flicker of candlelight. When
you touch me, I am alive and I know the
feeling of being
loved.
My only
regret about our life together is that we did not have children.
I do not know why, only God knows that. I see you with our nieces
and nephews and
know that you would have made a wonderful dad. Your
caring, support and love would have given our
children everything
they needed to face this world. I know
this to be true because you have given me the same.
You have
given me the courage to battle my demons, the support to attend and
graduate
from college though I was old enough to be mom to most of the other
students,
and the strength to fight back against cancer. I
could not have done these without you.
As we face
an uncertain future tinged by the threat of death, my only consolation
is
having known and been loved by you. Thank
you for giving me courage, for giving me
support, and for giving
me strength. Most of all, thank you for
showing me love and showing me how to love.
Forever
yours,
'thia
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