After his father's death, Hank
wrote the ethical will he believed his father would have written if he
was able to. He consulted with friends and relatives to affirm it's accuracy,
and read this at his Dad's funeral. All present asked for a copy
as a way to remember Harold. This was very helpful to the family in going
through the grieving process.
I have a friend who has written a book and
speaks on the topic of ethical wills. The practice started as early as
Jacob gathering his children around his death bed, and Moses’ farewell
to the Children of Israel. While the legal will bequeaths valuables, the
ethical will bequeaths values.
If Dad had written an ethical will, I think
this would be it……
Dear Family and Friends,
I am leaving you with what matters most to
me and what I hope you remember most.
1st and foremost is The love of family. They
are the wellspring of who you are. Nurture the relationships, be there
for each other.
--Dad was always there for his mother,
brother and sisters. When he married, he added his in-laws as part of his
family. When we married, he refused to be considered an in-law, he was
Dad and our spouses were his children.
2nd, Value education and life long learning.
It keeps you stimulated, keeps you young, and helps you succeed.
--One of the favorite parts of Dad’s
job was writing the store ads. He loved words. His help on my Bar Mitzvah
sermon was grueling, hard to believe even after that experience part of
my career is public speaking.
3rd, Give to your community. We all come
out of a community, were enriched by it, and have the responsibility to
give back to the community.
--Dad was an active fundraiser for
his Pittsfield temple, and continued in Florida at Menorah Manor. With
pride, he told about his father letting tenant’s stay in his building during
the depression even though they could not pay the rent.
4th, Whatever you do, work hard, play hard
and compete hard at both.
--Dad put in many hours at the store
to be successful, and after a long Saturday at the store, he and Mom would
go play nine holes of golf. Later, he switches from golf to tennis. Last
week I was telling Dad’s caregiver that I could not beat Dad at tennis
until he was in his 70’s. At that, though I hadn’t thought Dad was listening,
I could see him smile! Last week when he was in pain, I said "you’re a
fighter Dad" and he nodded his head.
And finally, friends and family (he would
have written), never lose your sense of humor; remember not to take yourself
so damn seriously.
--Two days before he died, Jane said
to him "see you tomorrow", to which Dad weakly replied- "not if I see you
first!"
As I said to Dad this past Friday, when I
think about how to handle my kids, I ask---what would Dad do?
He never wrote it down, but through his actions
he left us a very clear ethical will.
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