Stephanie became
interested in ethical wills and enrolled in a seminar to learn more about
them. This is what she wrote to her two sons.
For My Sons:
Thank you for allowing me to hold you in
my body, in my arms and in my spirit for a short, precious time.
Thank you for teaching me to be a parent and a better person, allowing
me to grow through your growth. Thank you for your innocence that
kept me from becoming jaded, gently urging me to look at the world differently,
through your eyes. You helped me to see so much more. Thank
you for your patience through my struggles to become the best I can be
– best parent, best wife, best friend, best person.
Thank you for guiding me through the
maze of inconsistency that was my constant nemesis, and reminding me of
what is really important. You may have taught me more than I have
taught you.
One of my greatest fears is that your memory
will paint a portrait of me as a weak woman with good intentions, somewhere
between a skilled housekeeper and a shrew, always “on your case”.
The thought horrifies me.
Please remember me not only for what I did,
or said, but for how I made you feel. Please remember that my desire
to pass along what wisdom I may have gained from my experiences sprang
from love, to ease your way and spare you pain, not a desire to control
or make you a copy of me. Now THAT would be a nightmare!
I pray that some of my words found their
way from my heart through sometimes deaf ears and a stubborn brain to your
heart because that was where I tried to send them. My whole
life of parenting I have struggled with an inner dichotomy of what is truly
important.
My factual, living day to day self said that
school was important, grades were important, as a key to unlocking whatever
doors you wanted to open in your future. I tried to help you see
that grades were more than so many superficial inkblots on a page – it
was the knowledge behind those inkblots that would truly set you free to
choose your own path.
The other side of the dichotomy was that
part of me believed that none of this truly mattered, that life is more
about how you treat people and how you feel about yourself, learning how
to be gentle with your own shortcomings, while striving to become better.
Following the path to change who you have
been for who you want to become can be difficult in the beginning, filled
with potholes and setbacks. Just remember to be gentle and loving
with yourself along the way. What you first attempt to practice will become
second nature in time. So celebrate your small steps in the beginning and
know that everyone stumbles occasionally! And even though I may never
come to terms with my dilemma, I pray that you might find that answer for
yourself, in your lifetime.
I truly believe that each generation
is meant to be wiser than the one before – an emotional, personal evolutionary
process based on the experiences of those who have gone before, and the
new generation's conscious choice to follow certain beliefs, depart from
others, and explore new ones. My sincerest hope is that you will
use the foundation we have tried to provide and then take off to build
a structure that has never been imagined before – uniquely you – that will
blow the world’s socks off!
I will always love you both with all my heart
and soul.
Love, Mom