Bettina
Brickell
was 29 years old when she died. This letter to her family and friends
was
read at her Memorial service.
Dear Friends and Loved Ones,
As I contemplated this
memorial service,
I felt great gratitude in my heart that each of you would be here to
say
good-bye to me. Many of you have shared your warmth, kindness and
love with me during these last months. I want to say thank you
and
good-bye and share with you the lessons I've learned through my dying.
I have profoundly
experienced that love is
all that matters. Like many people, I occasionally got caught in
my pettiness and separation, thinking I knew the right answer. I
judged others and I have judged myself even more harshly. But I
have
learned that we carry within ourselves the abundant wisdom and love to
heal our weary heart and judgmental mind.
During the time of my
illness, I have loved
more deeply. My heart feels as if it has exploded. I do not
carry anger. I feel we are all doing the best we can. Judging
others
closes the heart and when one is dying, that is a waste of precious
sharing.
Life is how we stand in relationship to both ourselves and to
others.
Loving and helping each other are all that is important.
We are in the fall
season. I feel privileged
to die as the leaves fall from the trees. There is a naturalness
to the cycle of life and death and for whatever reason, it is my time
to
die, even though I am young. It is OK. It is right and
natural.
Life is not about how long we live, but about how we live, and I have
had
a good life. I accept my dying as part of the wondrous process of
life.
My sadness is in leaving
you. I'll
miss the deep comfort and love of gently waking up in (my husband)
Peter's
arms, giving up our dreams of future years together. I'll miss
the
sunny days of fishing with my dad, of sharing with my mom her love of
life
and cosmopolitan savoir-faire. I'll miss giggling with my sister,
Maria, over life's impasses. How appreciative I feel when I think
of my brother Michael's faith and encouragement of me…
As I lay dying, I think of
all of you, each
special in your own way, that I have loved and shared this life
with.
I reluctantly give up walking on this beautiful planet, where every
step
is a prayer. The glistening sun on the trees, the sound of a
brook
as it makes its way down the mountain, the serenity and beauty of a
gentle
snowfall, sitting at the rim of a Utah canyon and catching a glimpse of
eternity--these are the things I have loved.
Please do not think I have
lost a battle
with cancer, for I have won the challenge of life. I have shared
unconditional love. I have opened to the mystery of Spirit and
feel
that divinity is all around us every day and provides us with a path on
which our spirit may take flight.
Chief Crazy Horse said upon
his final battle,
"It is a good day to die because all the things of my life are
present."
That is how I feel as I think of the abundance, adventure, opportunity
and love in my life.
When you think of me, know
that my spirit
has taken flight and that I loved you.
With my love, Bettina