Don Schmitz’
Ethical Will
September 2, 1999
Dear Jeff, Andrew and Ted and Grandchildren;
Purpose
It is my
hope in writing my ethical will that I will be able to record for posterity
some of my values and visions for the future. I hope this will help each
of you as you plan and carry out your life. In my studies of leaving
a legacy, I was reminded how important it is for parents and grandparents
to share and record what is important to them. For posterity’s sake,
I have attempted to record some of my experiences and what I believe in,
some history of what I have done with my life, and lessons I have learned
along the way.
Introduction
I want you, my family, to know how
important you all are in my life and how much I love you. A better life
for you than what we had was always our goal. Sometimes, as a parent, we
tried to protect you from falls and hurts. These hurts occurred throughout
life; from the time you first started to walk, or ride around the block
on your big wheels, to bicycles and finally cars. At the same time, your
mother and I wanted you to be independent and stand up for yourself when
obstacles would get in your way. There was never anything in our
lives that equaled having the three of you for our sons (yes not even the
grandchildren, though they sure are nice too!) We’ve always wanted
the best for each of you and helped you as much as we possibly could.
How proud I have always been to have you for my sons!
A. Some of my Experiences as a
Child
My Trip to see Mary Reuvers
One of the experiences I remember
as a little boy was when I went to see Mary Reuvers. I believe I was about
5 years old. This particular day my sister Carol and brother Bill were
gone to school. I was lonesome for friendship and always was longing
for adventure. This is the first experience I recall doing something all
by myself and oh how proud I was that mom let me do it.
I remember it like yesterday, walking
along kicking the stones while walking down the hill. Lassie, our dog,
kept following me wanting to come along but I had to send him home a couple
times.
I remember walking up the driveway
and being greeted by Mary. It was the way she greeted me that I will never
forget. She was so excited to see me and she treated me special. She had
this big smile and open arms. She also had a strange accent; different
from anyone I had ever heard, from the old country my dad used to say.
I remember how her house even had a different smell than ours. Later I
learned it was the smell of a woodburning stove.
Mary sat down and talked with me and
showed me pictures of her family. It was as if time stood still. She really
enjoyed talking to me. I remember how especially proud she was of her daughter
who was studying to be a Notre Dame Sister. Mary took a picture of
me that day and I felt so special that she took a picture of me all by
myself.
She later gave that picture to my
parents. Today, I have that very picture on a counter in our living
room.
Taffy and the Fair
Another experience I recall was taking
my calf, Taffy, to the Rice County Fair. Taffy was about six months
old when we started her training. We later learned that at six months,
she was already too old to be trained effectively to take to the fair.
Taffy had a lot of spunk, but Dad
always referred to it as “stubbornness”. Taffy never learned to walk
around with me using a halter but instead she dragged me around but I persisted.
My brother Bill also took a calf to
the fair. Her name was Tuffy. She was a much more mild-mannered calf
and easier to train. It was a real big thing that we were given this opportunity
because it took a lot of time away from the chores and yet for some reason
Dad allowed it? As I look back on this, it’s still a real surprise.
When the fair arrived, Bill’s calf
got a blue ribbon but mine got a red. I was so disappointed but excited
at the same time because I got invited to take Taffy back to another show
the next day. I remember Dad talking to me that night and that he would
even come and watch me in the ring!
The next day was a disaster!
As soon as I got Taffy into the show ring she got scared and ran away.
I felt like such a failure especially with my dad being there.
We were never allowed to take calves
to the fair again. As hard as this experience was I learned a lot about
life. I learned how difficult life can sometimes be and that you don’t
always get everything you want in life even if you work hard. Somehow
I have continued despite my short-term failures.
Marbles
When I was about eight years old I
remember playing marbles at school. Mom had made me a bag out of scraps
with a drawstring at the top, I was so proud of it.
Someone had determined that
“Cat’s Eyes and Steelies” were the most valuable marbles. Bill and I discovered
that Steelies were nothing more than ball bearings.
One day we took apart some old machinery
and found a couple really big steelys to use as shooters. I remember
how excited I was going to school and how long school was that morning
until recess. That day, I won all kinds of marbles from Jim Walsh
and Tom Merrill, two of my classmates. When I came home with all
the marbles Bill and mom couldn’t believe it. Oh how proud I was
of myself.
B. Things That I Value
As I stated earlier, I value my three
sons a great deal but there is someone who even comes before the three
of you and that is your mother, Mary. Mary and I met in Mankato when
she was nineteen and I was twenty. We were wild about each other
from the very start. I remember how cute she was and what a gorgeous
smile she had. We shared some wonderful times and some rocky times
over the years. Marriage is not an easy thing but persistence kept
us together over all those years.
Another thing that helped keep us
together was prayer. Prayer can be extremely powerful.
But I can’t forget either how important
going to others for help was for us. We would have never survived
without counseling. In marriage you both don’t grow at the same time.
Sometimes you need to wait for your partner to grow through a stage and
other times he or she will need to wait for you, but if you can have the
patience, you will be a better person for it.
The following are some of the highlights
I am most proud of in my life:
-Getting my college degree
-Having a strong faith
-Having Mary and Leo Marso as my
in-laws.
-Having the three of you early in
our marriage
-Teaching school for twenty years
-Being chosen “Teacher of the Year
in 1984”
-Getting my Masters and Specialist
Degree in Education
-Owning our three homes in Cottage
Grove
-Being your basketball coach
-Reading books to all of you
-Teaching you our faith
-Being friendly to all we come in
contact with
-Involvement in the community; Chambers,
Teaching Organizations and the Youth Service Bureau
-St. Rita’s Church (Co-Chair of the
building expansion committee for our church)
-Receiving the “Service to Youth
Award” from the Youth Service Bureau in 1999
-My ten years with Jeane Thorne and
the part I played in the growing the business
-Buying and rebuilding our current
home at 285 Summit in St. Paul.
-Our three grandchildren
-Learning to play the guitar
-Having built a strong financial
background for the future
-Working on another degree in Human
Development from St. Mary’s
C. Things I Believe in
Strong families and the need to stay
together: As I’ve grown older I continue to value the family more and more.
I enjoyed my study of the Genealogy of our family. It’s my hope that someone
will continue my work and maintain our family information in the years
to come.
The power of education: How important
it was for your Mom and me to help you get college degrees. We’ve always
been extremely proud of your educational accomplishments. I believe that
any dollars spent on education comes back fourfold in your lifetime.
Parents should read to their children:
I remember how special it was for me to be able to hold you on my lap and
read to you. As a former first grade teacher, teaching you to read came
so natural. The three of you have all grown to be better readers and writers
than I am and I know that it’s rooted in our times spent together when
you were very young.
Follow your heart: People must follow
their heart in what they want out of life. Money doesn’t always come hand
in hand with what your heart tells you, but in the end it will benefit
you the most.
Helping the poor: We have a responsibility
to help others who are less fortunate.
Taking time to smell the roses: One
of the keys to raising a wonderful family was taking family vacations.
We saved and saved our money and financially it was always difficult, but
the experiences we shared were never forgotten. I especially
remember our vacation to Washington DC, our trip to California, our eventful
car ride through Sweden when Jeff was getting married, our many trips to
Disney and our meals at the cabin.
Ongoing education throughout life:
We can never allow ourselves to stop growing. The world is so big
and there is so much to see and do.
Respecting our land: I have been so
lucky to be raised in this beautiful country. Respect of the land
and its beauty is one of our responsibilities. I love flowers and
plants and golf courses for their beauty. This is one area where
man has been able to improve the beauty of the earth.
Raising children: I believe children
should be raised in a strong faith. I have found over the years that
a strong faith is something that will stand the test of time. As you grow,
you may choose to change your faith, but having a strong faith as a child
cannot be replicated.
A strong healthy body: I believe in
exercise and eating carefully and caring for the only body we have. It’s
also important to get annual examinations and getting proper rest.
A life of your own: I also believe
in talking time for yourself. My trips to Canada for fishing always
left me more thankful for the life I had and the people in it. A
good movie or book can provide a real welcome break as well. Daily
walks and meditation are but one more way of appreciating all that you
have.
D. Lesson’s I have learned
Everyone must live their own life
in their own way, as their values would have them live. Any variation
of this is just a short-term diversion. Telling others how to live
their life is not in anyone’s job description.
People do change. I’ve seen
many wonderful changes made by people who are willing to continue to grow.
Finding a career you are proud of
is very difficult but worth the search. You may need to try many
different careers during your life. Don’t be afraid of change, it’s
one of the things that can help keep young at heart.
I compare us sometimes to a computer.
Every once in a while we need to get rid of the old computer and start
new. No matter how much you tweak the old one, it is still old. One
of the things I loved about my life was the fact that I had many successful
jobs that I enjoyed.
Have your children when you are young.
Children are very exhausting and can best be handled when you are young.
Keep listening. You learn nothing
while you are talking.
When raising your children, don’t
worry about all the little stuff. It’s not what people say that matters;
it’s what they do. Love your children, let them know you love them
unconditionally and everything else will work out with the grace of God.
Be thankful for all the gifts of
life. Life isn’t fair and each of you has different gifts. God knew
what he was doing and who are you to question him?
E. Things that had a big impact
on my life
Mary Marso, your grandmother, was
a very special lady who helped me greatly to believe in myself and to believe
in the value of prayer. She loved me unconditionally. I hope
you can say that about us.
Sr. Michelle was my American History
teacher at Bethlehem Academy. She always believed in me and encouraged
me to make the most of myself.
Being chosen Teacher of the year in
Cottage Grove was a wonderful thing for me. It meant so much to me
I felt compelled to find new ways to reward others. There are far
more awards that need to be given. I encourage you to make it your business
to give lots of awards in life, both formal and informal.
The death of Mary’s parents at such
a young age had a tremendous influence on Mary and a large influence on
me as well. They were such good people who always gave time to anyone
in need. They are good examples for you to follow. Your grandmother
expected a lot of her children and her children worked hard to live up
to her expectations. What does that say for you and your children?
Being the father of three wonderful
boys was one of the most special things in my life. I miss all of
you even now when I write this. Your mother and I spent so much time
enjoying all of you and we still do. One regret is not having all
of you closer, geographically, so we could drop by to see you (and you
to us). I always wished I could have helped you more and just “be” with
you. I especially enjoyed our fishing trips together.
F. Wishes for the future
You will each find a mate that will
love you, be the mother of your children and grow with you throughout your
life.
I hope that my new career working
with grandparents will be successful. I’ve spent a great deal of
time preparing for it and believe it has great value.
I want you to have the chance to have
children of your own and to experience the love they can bring into your
life. I also hope you get to know your grandchildren and share with
them your legacy and heritage. Family is so important!
Respect your time alone. I believe
you need your own time and space. Be supportive of yourself and your
own ideas. Take time to nurture them and develop them to the fullest.
Always remember that your parents are here and we will always be here in
mind or in body to support you every step of the way. Once a parent,
you are always a parent.
I hope we will be able to live into
our 80’s. I want to be healthy and be able to travel to visit you
wherever you may live. I also hope we will be able to continue to help
you financially and what we give you and your children will be respected
and used to develop more of your talent to the fullest.
Last I pray that Mary and I will continue
to love each other and bring happiness to each other.
G. Conclusion
Thank you for your love and being
my children and Grandchildren and your support of me as your father
grand Father through the years.
I love you very much and unconditionally
will continue to love you as long as I live no matter what my change in
our future.
You have been a great source of joy
and strength. Thank you for being my heirs.
Love,
Dad and Grandfather
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